Pony Up

Experts Warn of "Peak Pony"

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Republicans have had it tough over the last few weeks, with President Bush approval ratings below 40%, the indictment of House Majority Leader Tom DeLay on conspiracy and money laundering charges, and the expected indictment of several senior White House officials for blowing the cover of a CIA operative. Republican woes have been a boon for the pony markets, which have seen prices soar to historic highs due to increased demand from ecstatic liberals. This spike in demand has led many experts to warn of a near-term pony shortage, and led to fears that the world may be approaching “Peak Pony”, the point at which nations are no longer able to meet their vital pony needs.

For most of the 20th century, ponies were primarily used as imaginary companions for giggling pre-teen girls. However, the market base for ponies has expanded considerably in recent weeks and months, as liberal euphoria has reached such giddy heights that only brightly-colored, silken-maned, magical sparkly friendly talking flying ponies are capable of expressing.

“The problem is two-fold,” explains Goldman-Sachs senior pony analyst Holden. “A combination of irrational Bush-hatred among liberals and irrational exuberance among pony speculators has led to this spike in demand for what is, after all, a finite resource. At the same time, decades of complacency on the part of the world governments has let a manageable problem evolve into a full-blown crisis. Now the Congress wants to open the Strategic Pony Reserve to try to bring prices under control. It’s too little, too late.”