brown, mike brown

sign the petition

We, the undersigned, petition Sony Pictures to hire FEMA Director Michael D. Brown to play the role of James Bond in your remake of Casino Royale.

Mike Brown's acting skills are without peer. For the last five years, he has played the parts of FEMA Director, FEMA Deputy Director, and FEMA General Counsel with such perfection that no one suspected that his only emergency management experience involved the timely application of a condom, a popsicle stick, and a double dose of Viagra.

Additionally, we request that you select the harlot, Jeff Gannon, to play the role of his assistant, Sir Oral Pleasures, OBE.

Finally, we urge you to employ Karl Rove to work closely with your publicity team. He will ensure that the identity of the actor playing Secret Agent 007 is leaked to the American media in a manner that will guarantee the greatest amount of media play.