Windy City Rollers "Birthday Bash" Recap

"Windy City Rollers: the Birthday Bash"
Sunday, Aug. 14, Congress Theater, Chicago
Photos by Nervous Jay.

About fifteen minutes before the doors of the Congress Theater open to the crowds of derby fans who will later fills the seats, all four Windy City Rollers teams--Hell's Belles, the Fury, the Double Crossers, and Manic Attackers, are gathered on the track. In the middle of the pack stands "Slamming Sammy" Skobel, Roller Derby Hall of Fame member and three-time MVP. "What the mind can conceive and believe, can achieve," he says to the skaters, and of the bout only an hour away, "I'm sure I'm really going to enjoy it."

What sets this bout apart from the previous ones is the fact that it is the birthday of roller derby which was born in Chicago seventy years ago. Hall of Fame superstars like Slamming Sammy and Ivy King, Derby's first Queen. Onstage sits an enormous birthday cake from which Herbie Derbie pops out in full Marilyn Monroe glamour to sing a birthday tribute. And then...derby time.

Facing off first are the Manic Attackers and Double Crossers. The Skater Tots have graduated into full-fledged Derby Dames and are making their debut tonight; the Manic Attackers, with five fresh recuits, have the most new faces in the league. "We know how desperately you need new recruits," snarls the Double Crossers' Lucy Furr into the mic she stole away from Manic Mo Vengeance. Jamming first are Ana Mission...from God for the Double Crossers and J'Illegal for the Manic Attackers. Ana leads the jam after Angel Dustt shoulders out J'Illegal and scores the first three points of the night. At one point the pack gets completely broken up to reveal Mo Vengeance and Lucy Furr in full fist-slinging fury, picking up where their verbal sparring left off. Oprah Whip Me and Gayle Queen, punishment moguls extraordinaire, step in and take care of business. With three minutes remaining the score is tied at 20-all. J'Illegal puts on the jammer cap once again and scores 4 points as the clock ticks down. The half ends: Manic Attackers 35, Double Crossers 28.

Up next are the Fury vs. the undefeated Hell's Belles. Belle Quiet Storm and Fury's Crimson Crusher are the first jammers, and after two minutes the score is tied at 4-4. Penny Royalty and Anya Back collide, and then make their fists collide with each other's heads until Oprah storms the track to dish out more punishment. Quiet Storm leads the next jam, and the Fury gets scored on more times than your mom. Overall the skating in this bout has been tighter around the corners, resulting in a speedier match, harder falls, and heated brawls. Action pauses again as the refs pull apart punch-throwing Anita Bier and Killy KaPOWski. The half ends, Belles still leading 53-41.

After an action-packed intermission that included a match race in which Chicago Ace beat down Cleveland's Bob "Big Bird" Pancioli for trash-talking the Derby Dames and heartfelt applause for the Hall of Famers in the audience, the Manic Attackers and Double Crossers return to the track to finish what they started. Ana Mission and J'Illegal face off in their jammer caps yet again, but it isn't long before the omnipresent Oprah and Gayle serve up some punishment to the punch-happy Lady Fingers and Jackie Trip'Her. The brawls only get worse as Val Capone and Shirley Temple of Doom come to blows, and at one point Double Crosser CoCo BangBang, sidelined with a strained ACL, charges in from the wings to bite the ankle of a ref. When the second half ends, the Manic Attackers secure their first win, 69-50, but their victory lap is interrupted as the furious Double Crossers storm the track , resulting in an all-team brawl. An announcer sums it up: "70 years and it's come to this."

After the bodies are cleared away, Hell's Belles and the Fury begin their second half, Quiet Storm and Crimson Crusher, two of the most popular jammers, starting off. The action is brutal as Ann Putation sends Anita Bier to the floor. Hell's Belles still lead 63-50 with less than 10 minutes remaing. The Fury get a huge boost when Kami Sutra scores a grand slam by lapping Belle jammer Lisa Diesel. However, the Hell's Belles don't lose their lead, and despite some serious scoring by Kami Sutra, the Belles triumph in a close match, 101-98 and remain undefeated.
-Kim Nelson

tags: roller derby, rollergirls, Windy City Rollers, Chicago