A celebration of non-penetration.

From "Ask Dr. Frist" at AbstineceOnly.com:

Dear Dr. Frist,

My girlfriend and I have been faithfucking through our underwear for the past several months. We’re both nineteen, fairly good-looking and have some of the greatest sex either of us has ever experienced, and believe it or not, she comes more than I do! (I’ve recently been practicing a sort of zen-tantric form of ejaculatory control.) Even though I rarely ejaculate per se, I have been secreting copious amounts of seminal fluid, which, combined with the juice from her horny young pussy, turns our underwear into a veritable swamp of hot, youthful, sexual juices. My question is this, while I know that pre-ejaculatory seminal fluid contains a certain amount of live spermatozoa, what are the chances, realistically speaking, that one might be able to swim through the fabric, up her vagina and actually impregnate her?

Signed, Youthful Adonis



Dear Youthful Adonis,

It’s letters like yours that make this job great. If only my duties as Senate Majority Leader could be so rewarding. To answer your question, while there’s certainly a chance of impregnation, it’s a relatively small one: if I were you I’d just stick with what you’re doing. If she gets pregnant, so what? You’re both still technically abstinent and she can always have an abortion. Better yet, have the child and raise him or her with a strong emphasis on athletic training and we may be seeing Olympic Gold for the U.S.A. swim team in 2024!

Just to be on the safe side, immediately after faithfucking, put both your undies in a Ziploc bag and mail them to me, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, and I’ll check for sperm content using what we doctors call the “ol’ sniff-test”.

Yours Truly, Bill Frist

P.S.: Please include photos.

A big hetrosexual hug to The General.